Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Are humans real?
A. Only in the loosest meaning of the word. Real, of course, implies an understanding of reality. Humans have a very poor grasp on reality. They certainly exist, but have no concept of the meaning of their existence. While we bears understand that humans exist to look after bears’ needs, it has proven difficult to keep them focused on this task due to their short attention spans. It is best to speak slowly to them, use few words, and give constant reminders.

Q. I actually like my servants, Am I normal?
A. Yes. Many bears report affection for their servants. This is probably a phenomena brought about by familiarity. There is little doubt that humans are amusing and many bears will tell you that their greatest enjoyment comes from observing the strange antics of their servants. You must be careful however not to condone their strange behaviour, as this can lead to an escalation in silliness.

Q. Can I do anything to make my servants more organized?
A. The short answer is No! There has been some success using written rules, hence The Bears Charter. While initial results were poor even with these guidelines it has been noted that, over time, servants will gravitate to anything that permits them to avoid making a decision. Written rules therefore, feed the servants lazy streak. In the absence of a coherent thought servants will frequently agree to what is put in front of them. A typical response at that time is “Yeh! Okay. Whatever.”

Q. Is there any chance that servants will improve over time?
A. Interestingly enough there has been some reports of this happening. A few servants have acquired what we now refer to as an “Inner Bear.” This is thought to be a conditioned response rather than anything servants have learned consciously. Speaking the truth directly is a bear-like trait. Servants get confused with the truth at times because of something called “Good Manners” or “Political Correctness.” An example might be if someone were to ask a servant what they thought about a new piece of clothing they were wearing. A human would become evasive, even pretend not to hear the question to avoid giving an opinion. The bear, of course, would simply respond “That is the ugliest hat I have ever seen.” Some humans have been noted to have acquired this “Inner Bear” response after prolonged contact with bears.

Q. If humans/servants are so disorganized how can they run their communities, countries?
A. George Bush. Enough said.

Q. I understand English Bear was training to be psychiatrist. Why did he give it up?
A. Bears understand that human behaviour is by nature irrational. Psychiatry is simply an attempt by humans to isolate small groups of humans and label them insane so that the majority can feel more normal. English, despite his rather superior attitude, was able to see this after a very short period of time in the field.